I woke up in a dumpster, I’m 50 grand in debt, and my kidney’s missing – what happened last night?



Vegas is the saddest place on earth. It’s where sad glittery dreams go to die. Most people are despondent, a handful elated, and several, like myself, at the mercy of an array of emotions.

Elated: Won $50 on my first game of roulette

Despondent: Lost it in the next minute

Elated: Saw how much someone else had lost and was happy that I’m only small fry

Despondent: remembered the $50.

You see what I mean.

Sean p. diddy puffy combes lopez, (or whatever name he’s currently operating under), was in the Bellagio doing his thing for a Bacardi ad. He was surrounded by all his peeps, their arms crossed like built sulky children, and I felt like shouting out – Hey, I wouldn’t try breaking in to see you if you paid me puff. Word.

After saying adios to my $50, I went to Cirque de Soleil’s ‘O’ (the water one) to drown my sorrows in a world of bizarre and death defying stunts. Whoever comes up with this stuff has been buying Linda Maloney’s goods. There were hyperactive near-naked people, depressed clowns, (human) lions, and dolphins that looked like Mr Tumnus.

On the way home, the weirdness continued. I passed a Marilyn Monroe who shouldn’t have been near any air vents, a heap of Elvi and various girl superheroes whose kryptonite was clothing. Heaps of cops too. What do these guys do – make sure the Ten Commandments are broken in as orderly a fashion as possible? I reckon they just sit around in Dunkin’ Doughnuts waiting for a homicide – I’m pretty sure that’s still illegal in Vegas.


3 thoughts on “I woke up in a dumpster, I’m 50 grand in debt, and my kidney’s missing – what happened last night?

  1. Hey Megs, Lu sent me the link to this most fabulous of travel blogs just the other day. I agree with Sez, you must go away and continue this, it is superb. Love it. LOVE IT. Please let me know if you branch out into another blog, or publish anything anywhere else! LOVE IT!! Seriously.

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