why cats are cooler than dogs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At the risk of alienating 2.5 of my 5 readers, I thought it was time someone stood up for the humble cat. Check out this list:

  • They don’t smell
  • They don’t bark
  • They wash themselves
  • They’re not needy. It’s creepy enough when people are clingy, let alone animals
  • They land on their feet. Always. I once threw a neighbour’s cat over the fence backwards when I was young (not in a budding serial killer way, more in the spirit of scientific enquiry). Let me tell you – that cat went high, he went long, and he still landed on his feet, with one foot raised over a piece of dog poo. It was impressive, but from that point on I was paranoid catcrobat and his mates would paw me to death in my sleep and tattoo ultio ultionus on my forehead
  • They bury their business like a dirty secret. It’s a sense of modesty you won’t find in a dog
  • They don’t need to be walked
  • They enjoy getting haircuts – my brother (NOT a vet) may have mildly sedated our cat in order to give him one. He didn’t whinge at all when he woke up though, so he must have liked it.

That’s all I can think of for now. So what happened to the saying cool as a cat? Here’s the problem in a ‘nut’ shell:

We used to have a next door neighbour (different one, different cat) who claimed that her Himalayan could dial Chicken Treat.

I think it’s worth repeating.

She claimed that her cat could call, and did call, Chicken Treat whenever he felt like chicken. And a treat.

Which brings me to my point – owners are responsible for the demise of cat cool. When you think dog lovers, you think athletic, happy people with white teeth and great interpersonal skills. When you think cat lover, you think social pariahs, women with whiskers of their own or unemployed 28 year olds.

Ta da! Cat – owner = cool.

One last supporting story – our cat walked too close to the fireplace one winter, and a tiny bit of his tail caught on fire. Instead of freaking out, he just kept on walking and let it sizzle out in its own sweet time. Methinks we have a winner.

  • Oh, and they like beer too, but that’s another blog.
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14 thoughts on “why cats are cooler than dogs

  1. Yo Megan! “She never writes…she never calls…” talking about me, here…and you, actually.
    Do you want two prime location tickets to David Sedaris tomorrow night? Not for free, dear God – what am I, a charity??? $60 each. He’s slightly funnier than you but not much. Find out for yourself. Let me know pronto. Needless to say, I miss you and your kooky ways at work. No decent biscuits for WEEKS, now. How are things?
    PS Cats may be cooler but for the needy, dogs are best because they still love you even when you forget to feed them. Within a reasonable timeframe. Then they eat you.

  2. Hey Megsjessie,
    Keep ’em comin’ kiddo………still getting a belly laugh when I read your blog!
    After reading each consequent blogs I say to myself “Can she GET any funnier?” and still they come………….Give up your day job (tick….already done!) and get into writing a regular column of comedic quips….you know you want to!!!

  3. Although I may disagree with your opinion, I will defend to the death your right to express it!
    Is this sudden sentiment for cats caused by the freakiness you’ve experienced in regards a certain resident of Gobbler’s named after a water fowl?

    • If I were Voltaire, where would I hide? Thanks for bringing a bit of class to this blog MB – we all know I don’t.

      I was actually going to include ducky, but I thought it might be too soon???

  4. The timing on your blog is whack because no way I wrote that comment at 6 in the morning. When I saw you posted at 2:15am, I was thinking “She is dedicated to her art”. Well. The jig is now up. BTW, Sedaris tickets gone. Did you sign up to volunteer?

    • Nads – crazy, I was just replying!

      Phew – I couldn’t use them! I would have been devastated otherwise, but I’m going with friends to outdoor movies tomorrow night. Midnight in Paris – you wouldn’t want me to stand up Woody Allen (a distant relative, no doubt).

      Ok, so I haven’t signed up to volunteer yet, but I’m doing it Monday. It’d be cool to go to an event together though! I’ll have a browse through the brochure…

      xx

  5. Ha! Babe – I am paying for my kids, okay – one kid (we sacrificed the other and put them into public school) to go to private school. Save that blanket because I shall be using it soon. Did you know you can’t sell TWO kidneys??? What’s with THAT???!!!

  6. And just so you know. Woody and I are almost twins. He was born 1st December, me 2nd. So if we were actually born in the same year to the same mother…you figure it out. I can’t do all the work for you.

  7. Despite the black cat theory, they are above superstition. Dogs on the other hand have to walk around in a circle 3 times before they feel it’s safe enough to lie down.
    Cats know you only rub human legs.

  8. Haha- you need to get reacquainted with my cat miki ( ginger ninja). We let him have some wet cat food treats one to many times and he got needy quick smart. As in he needs wet cat food. He would die without it. You can tell by his heartfelt pleas. Unless you don’t speak cat, in which case it’s the world’s worst and most consistent whingeing and whining. Combined with a head bop of the ankle as he attempts to be cute. Love him more than anything though so I totally agree- cats are the best.

    On a side note- I miss you!

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